Updated: Oct 24, 2021
Grieving Your Loss
First and foremost, there is no right or wrong way to cope after a miscarriage. If you want, you can cry your eyes out until there are no tears left to cry. You can sit in silence, talk to friends and family members, or keep it to yourself. You can even mental understand what happened, while emotionally moving forward for the next stage of your life. Everyone is different and deserves the right to grieve in their own way. Do not pay any attention to anyone who tells you should be grieving in a specific way. This is your loss, and you should grieve how you deem fit.
There is also no timeline as to how soon you can grieve. Loosing a baby at 6 weeks can be just as devastating as losing a baby at 13 weeks. Again, I say, grieve in your own way and in your own time.
Know, it is NOT your fault
It is never easy experiencing a miscarriage. Many women who’ve experienced a loss, especially if it’s they’ve had multiple miscarriages, may feel as if it’s their fault. Please know, it’s not your fault and do not blame yourself. There is nothing you could have done to stop this from happening. Everyday activities such having sex, going to work or exercising DO NOT cause miscarriages. Many miscarriages are due to a genetic abnormality that prevented the fetus from developing. A miscarriage can also occur with for no specific reason at all. Regardless, there is nothing that you nor the doctor could have done to prevent the miscarriage from occurring.
Coping With Your Spouse
As stated before, everyone grieves differently and in their own way. This also goes for your significant other. He may also be grieving the loss, however, attempting to remain strong for you. My Husband told me that he was hurt. But it’s my body that’s experienced everything, the pregnancy hormones, they growth of the baby, and the loss of the baby. He stayed strong to help me through our loss. But they key work is OUR. As you grieve, it is also important to check in on your spouse. He also lost his child, and though it may not express his feelings in the same way, he may be hurting as well. It is important to lean on each other as you both grieve the loss of your unborn child. Supporting one another is a great way to for both of you to get through this together.
Therapy & Support Groups
Mental health is important, and sometimes talking to people outside of your circle can help you grieve and cope with your loss. There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help and speaking with a therapist if needed. Our if you want you can find a local or virtual miscarriage support group to talk with people who can relate to what you're going through. Though sad, it can be therapeutic knowing that you are not alone.
How Soon to Try Again?
The decision to try again is up to your doctor, spouse, and you. Everyone is different. But if you would like to try again it is imperative to discuss this with your doctor and spouse. You first want to get the green light from your doctor. You want to ensure that it is safe and there were no complications due to the miscarriage. It is also important to have a conversation with your spouse. It is essential that you both agree on when it is best for you both to try again. One person may be ready while the other person is still grieving. Both parties should be on the same page, and not feel pressured into trying again. This will ensure that you both are ready to embark on the next stage of life together.
If you or a loved experienced a miscarriage an Angel Heart sympathy box may help. It will not remove the heart and pain but is a nice way to provide support and show that your care during this stressful and painful time.